For Parents and Caregivers

March 18, 2020

It’s an alternate universe out there, and parents and caregivers are no less perplexed than their young adult children about how to move forward during the era of COVID-19. Relationships between parents and their young adult children are in a perpetual state of flux during the best of times, so an international crisis can most certainly put us on an upside-down roller coaster ride.

I have put together some suggestions based on my own experiences as a health professional and parent, as well as my previous experience as a young adult. 

Strengthen Relationships

·       Create an open dialogue and talk to your young adult children as adults. Answer questions to the best of your ability, and refer to challenges in your own life so they feel you are trusting them with personal information.

·       Ask your young adults to “step up,” and take on additional responsibilities, but also give them time to themselves.

·       Listen to your young adults, even when they make no sense. If you don’t know how to respond to something absurd, repeat back what they’ve said.
For example, if they say, “Coronavirus is a conspiracy and it’s fine for me to go to Ashley’s party,” you can say (with a hint of doubt in your voice), “Coronavirus is a conspiracy and it’s fine for you to go to Ashley’s party?” If they continue to be unreasonable, then you can set a limit: “Based on the information I have about the virus, I’m concerned about you being exposed, and then exposing Grandpa, who is 95 and has a heart condition. If you go to the party, you’ll have to find somewhere else to stay until this crisis is over.”

·       Ask every healthy person in the family to help out in some way. For example, the 5-year-old can take out the trash while the 10-year-old can help wipe down surfaces. Make sure everyone understands that they have a responsibility to each other.

·       Encourage your young adults to reach out to friends or supportive family members if they seem isolated or if they won’t talk openly to you.

·       Remember that any time family members are cooped up together, conflicts will arise. Take a break outside or in another room if conflicts escalate, and come back when everyone is calmer.

Plan

·       Have a backup plan for the care of family members if you get sick.

·       If you are healthy and able to go out, stock up on supplies but remember to only take what is needed and save some for others in need. Then be sure to wash your hands.

·       Stay up to date on the news and share developmentally appropriate information with family members, so that everyone can provide input if decisions have to be made. But be sure to take news breaks and change the subject as needed.

Laugh and play

·       Tell funny stories about the past and talk about things other than Coronavirus. Come up with some ridiculous topics in advance, like wondering what the dog and cat discuss when you aren’t home, or what useless technology will be developed in the next 25 years.

·       Look at photos and reminisce about earlier fun times.

·       Do jigsaw puzzles, play board games, cards, 20 questions, and charades.

·       Do what you can to get a laugh — wear your partner’s clothes, dye your hair pink, dress up the dog, play a harmless prank, tickle your youngest child.

·       Watch funny movies together.

Focus on Emotional and Physical Health

·       Take care of yourself first (“put on your own oxygen mask before assisting others”).

·       Model and encourage emotional and physical self-care for everyone by doing the following and encouraging other family members to do the same:

o   Spend time outside: birdwatch, sit in the sun, go for walks.

o   Spend time with pets.

o   Allow yourself time alone when needed (even if means locking yourself in the bathroom).

o   Schedule a short period of quiet time for the family every day.

o   Reach out to friends and family for support; schedule times to talk if possible.

o   Write letters and use creative outlets like writing, art, and music.

o   Use meditation/grounding/mindfulness techniques: Tara Brach podcasts, UCLA Mindful, Calm, and Headspace apps.

o   Try to shift your perspective when you feel hopeless from “I’ll never get through this,” to “I’ve been through hard times before, and have always gotten through them. I’ll do my best.”

o   At the end of every day, think about something you did well, even if it’s very small. When you wake up every morning, think about a value that’s important to you and come up with a way to put that value into action for the day.

o   Most importantly, be flexible, maintain a sense of humor, and reach out for support if you’re struggling or desperate.

Hotlines:

·       National Parent Helpline: 1.855.4A.PARENT (1-855-427-2736)

·       National Suicide Prevention Lifeline: 1-800-273-8255

This blog post originally appeared on the Carthage College website. It has been republished with permission.