Grey’s Gayest of the Gays

June 20, 2023

Whenever I think it’s finally time to quit watching Grey’s Anatomy, an intriguing subplot materializes, like the unconventional bond in Season 12 between characters Arizona Robbins and Richard Webber – and I’m sucked back in.  I won’t give spoilers, but this quote from Arizona is priceless:

“Oh Richard, I’m super gay.  Like I’m the gayest of gays.  I’m lesbianic.”

In case it’s confusing out of context, Arizona means that her sexual orientation is biologically-based and immutable, that she only dates women.  This is different from her ex-wife, Callie, who identifies as bisexual and has dated men and women.  Then there’s their colleague Ben’s sister, a trans woman whose sexual orientation is undisclosed.  If you’re inclined to think concretely, this can all be utterly inexplicable.

Sexuality and gender bridge the areas of medicine, medical ethics, neuroscience, biology, philosophy, religion, psychology, psychiatry, and more.  When you start delving into these topics, there tend to be many more questions than answers.  

One particular question has a history of being weaponized for political gain:

“Is being gay a choice?”  

The question is a lose/lose if you’re gay, because the subtext is that being gay is “bad” – that if it were a choice, you’d obviously choose heterosexuality.  Or if, on the other hand, being gay were biologically determined, you should live without intimacy, because it’s a sin to “act on it.” 

The question has never made sense to me, because its premise is flawed.  To me, the answer is a clear, “Yes and no,” and “Who cares?”  A person could be “the gayest of gays,” or even “lesbianic,” but could still choose to be closeted.  They could choose whether to be single or in a relationship, and with whom.  They could choose how they want to express their identity.  There are always choices.

Sexuality and gender are fluid and multi-dimensional, not good or bad, or right or wrong.  Our understanding of them continues to evolve.  This is why new terminology surfaces every day.  It’s not because of “fads” or the whims of an immature generation.  It’s because younger generations understand that Identity’s style doesn’t want to be cramped.  Identity is a creative process belonging to each individual.  Whether you’re the straightest of the straights, deliberately label-free, or lesbianic.